I Just Don’t Feel Like Myself Anymore: Could It Be Perimenopause?
Updated: 4 days ago
“I just don't feel like myself anymore.”
I've heard women say this in so many different ways and this is what I found myself saying when I started my perimenopause journey, in my early 40’s.
Sometimes they can't quite explain what has changed. They just know that something feels different. They're more tired. They're not sleeping. They're feeling anxious or emotional. They can't remember why they walked into a room. Their clothes don't fit the way they used to. Exercise doesn't seem to be working like it once did.
And underneath all of it is often the same question:
“What is happening to me?” If this sounds familiar, I want you to know something straight away:
I hear you. I was you. You are not alone.
Why does it feel like you've suddenly changed?
Perimenopause can be a confusing time because the changes aren't always gradual or predictable.
Your hormones, particularly oestrogen and progesterone, can fluctuate considerably during this stage of life. And because these hormones influence many different systems in your body, you may notice changes in areas you weren't expecting. It can feel like you've woken up one morning and your body has suddenly decided to change the rules. But you haven't failed.
Your body hasn't turned against you.
Your body is changing, and it may need different support than it did a few years ago.
1. Your sleep isn't what it used to be
Maybe you used to sleep through the night without thinking about it. Now you're lying awake, waking at 2am, struggling to get back to sleep or waking in the morning feeling exhausted.
Perhaps you're experiencing night sweats or hot flushes. Or perhaps you simply can't understand why your sleep has changed and poor sleep doesn't just stay in the bedroom. When you're not sleeping well, you can feel more tired, less patient and more emotional. Concentration becomes harder. Exercise can feel like a chore. You may crave quick energy foods and find everyday stresses much harder to deal with.
Sleep affects so much of how we feel.
So if your sleep has changed, don't just tell yourself you need to “try harder” to sleep. It's worth paying attention to what your body is telling you.
2. Where has all my energy gone?
You may have spent years juggling work, family, children, relationships and everything else life throws at you. You've always been busy, but suddenly, the same busy life feels exhausting.
You might wake up tired, hit a wall in the afternoon or feel like you have no energy left by the end of the day. Sometimes it isn't just physical tiredness either. You can feel mentally exhausted too. The things you used to do without thinking suddenly require much more effort and when you're already tired, everything else can feel harder.
3. “Why am I feeling so anxious or emotional?”
This one can be particularly unsettling and hit me the hardest with my symptoms.
Perhaps you've always considered yourself a calm person, but suddenly you're worrying more. You might feel more emotional, irritable, overwhelmed or on edge. You find yourself crying at the drop of a hat. Things that wouldn't normally bother you suddenly feel like the final straw.
You may even find yourself thinking: “Why am I reacting like this? This isn't me.”
I asked myself that question when I found myself sitting on the floor crying about a broken reusable shopping bag handle. After 5 minutes, I remember I stopped crying, stood up and thought, “What was that? This isn’t me.”
Hormonal changes can contribute to changes in mood and anxiety during perimenopause, but there can be many reasons for these feelings too, so please don't simply assume that everything is hormones. If your mood or anxiety is affecting your everyday life, it's important to talk to your GP or another qualified healthcare professional.
But equally, don't dismiss what you're feeling. Your emotional wellbeing matters.
4. The dreaded brain fog
Have you ever walked into a room and completely forgotten why you went there? Forgotten someone's name? Started telling a story and suddenly lost the words? Read an email and realize you've taken in absolutely none of it?
Welcome to what many women call brain fog. It can be frustrating and sometimes quite frightening, particularly when you've always felt mentally sharp. You may find concentrating takes more effort or that your memory doesn't feel as reliable as it once did.
And again, you may find yourself thinking: “What is wrong with me?”
Nothing is necessarily wrong with you. Changes in hormones, sleep, stress and other factors can all influence how clearly we think and remember. So instead of judging yourself for not being the person you were five years ago, try giving yourself some kindness and ask yourself: “What can I do to help myself?”
5. “Why isn't my body responding the way it used to?”
This is a big one. I was running, riding my bike and weight training, but noticing my body was gaining weight, especially around my middle.
You may be eating the same foods and exercising in the same way you've always done, yet your body seems to be responding differently. Perhaps your waistline has changed. Maybe you're finding it harder to maintain muscle or strength. Perhaps you're exercising more but not seeing the results you expect. This can be incredibly frustrating.
But midlife is a time when your hormones, muscle mass, activity levels, sleep and other factors can all influence your body composition and how your body responds to food and exercise. That doesn't mean you need to punish your body with more exercise or eat less and less.
It may mean it's time to support your body differently and get some help with this.
6. “But I'm doing everything right!”
This is something I really want women to hear. You might be thinking:
“I'm eating well. I'm exercising. I'm trying to look after myself. So why don't I feel better?”
I understand how frustrating that can be. and sometimes the answer isn't that you're doing something wrong.Maybe the strategies that worked beautifully for you in your 20s and 30s simply aren't giving you the same results anymore. That doesn't mean you need to try harder. It may mean you need to change the approach.
Instead of asking: “What am I doing wrong?”
Try asking: “What does my body need from me now?”
That small change in thinking can make a huge difference.
7. The emotional impact of not recognising yourself
This part isn't talked about enough. Perimenopause isn't just about physical symptoms. There can be a real emotional impact when you don't recognise the woman looking back at you in the mirror.
You may feel frustrated by your body.
Sad about the energy you've lost.
Worried about your health.
Upset that you don't seem to cope with things the way you used to.
You might even feel like you've lost a little bit of yourself.
And when nobody has explained that these changes could be connected to perimenopause, it can be easy to blame yourself. Please don't. You are still you. You're just moving through a stage of life that can require a different kind of care and attention.
You're not broken
If there's one thing I want you to take away from this blog, it's this: You are not broken. Your body isn't failing you. You're not lazy. You're not lacking willpower. You haven't suddenly become a different person.
Your body is asking for different support and perhaps that's where we need to change the conversation.
Instead of fighting our bodies, we can start listening to them.
Instead of constantly trying to lose weight, we can think about nourishing our bodies and protecting our muscle and bone health, and getting stronger.
Instead of pushing through exhaustion, we can look at sleep and recovery, and being kinder to ourselves.
Instead of feeling guilty about needing more rest, we can recognise that rest is part of looking after ourselves.
Instead of trying to change everything at once, we can start with one small thing.
You don't have to work it all out on your own
Perimenopause can feel overwhelming, especially when you're trying to make sense of everything yourself. There is so much information out there.
Eat this. Don't eat that. Exercise more. Sleep better. Take this supplement. Do more cardio. Lift weights. Reduce your stress.
It can become another long list of things you feel you should be doing.
You don't have to work through this alone
What if you didn't need another list of things to do, but simply someone to listen?
I've experienced that feeling of not quite recognising myself, and I know how unsettling it can be.
My approach to menopause coaching is personal. I take the time to understand you, your symptoms, your challenges and your goals, and help you find small, realistic changes that work for your life.
If this sounds familiar, please don't dismiss what you're feeling. Speak to your GP or healthcare professional about any new or concerning symptoms, and remember that you don't have to figure everything out on your own.
You don't need to become a different person. You just want to feel like you again.
If you're ready to talk, I'd love to hear from you.
If you’d like to know a little more about me and why I became a menopause coach, you can read my story on the About Sarah page.
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